Feeling All Right

Had a rehearsal tonight. It went well. It was the first time in a while that I've had a rehearsal and felt good about the material we worked on.  It was our silly toy-song and also my song.

I've got to tell you, I've been majorly stressing about my song. The process of writing the solo was semi-treacherous, made easier by the muse-cubes, but still a work in progress. I set something for the show, but as I get more comfortable with it, there are parts I don't like, and places I want to add to. But since the show is 10 days away, I have to live with what I set. I need to fill it with energy and project it out into the world. I was telling this to my students the other night. Set it--no matter how you feel about it--get it in stone and be able to really rock it. Now it's a matter of getting it into my body, which for me, means playing it over and over and over. I wake up and play it. I play it on my desk all day at work. I play it before I go to bed and I play it in my sleep. I want to get to the point where I can space out in the middle and my hands and my body will know where I am and what comes next, despite where my brain happens to be.

Tonight, I was given the great gift of time. I had the performance space all to myself, and after our rehearsal it was just me and the drums. It was really a beautiful thing. The sun slanted down in the sky and disappeared, and the air was warm, and the whole atmosphere was blue and I just breathed in the blue light and the blue air, and the room filled with inky shadows and that blue stillness. I played in that dying, vibrating light, filling all the dark places with boom and echo. I've been working on a very delicate pattern. I can't play it if my hands shake. I am terrified of messing it up. I worked and worked that one pattern. As it grew darker, it became easier, and I finally realized that what I needed to do was relax my kata and fall back on all those lessons on sticking and grip and control and technique. Then it was easy. I gained all my confidence back. Yeah, that makes a girl feel all right.

I came home tonight, late, tired but happy, and best of all, feeling confident about things. This is a good feeling. I am starting to feel good about things, and boy am I telling you: that's progress.

On other fronts, I am Maze's equipment-fixer-maker person. I like this job. The way that I know that Janet needs something fixed is that she will tape the HELL out of whatever is broken. Seriously. Tape is her answer to all that ills the world. One of the wheels fell off a stand and that thing was taped up like there was no tomorrow. Today I brought a stand home because I discovered this: 

Yep. Needs fixing all right. I dropped some new screws and a zip tie and the thing was all better. 

Me too.