Doing the Freak-Out: Redux

I've been busy lately gearing up for our annual Maze Daiko Concert. It's going to be a great show. I always say that, but really, it will be great. We're premiering a few new pieces, polished up our tried and true ones, and as an added bonus, we've also been graced with a special guest, Yoko Fujimoto, legendary vocalist and one of the founding members of Kodo. I got to study with Yoko when I went on the KASA/Mix trip to Japan in 2008. Yoko taught us different ways to use our voices and how to just sing with joy and abandon. Personally, her workshop deeply touched me. At the end of the day, I let go of all the anxiety and embarrassment I've felt around my voice and singing. Before her workshop it would have been easier to pull out one of my wisdom teeth with a piece of string tied around a doorknob than it would be to get me to sing anything. True, I can't carry a tune, hold a note, or make my voice do that quivering thing that Stevie Nicks does. But at least I have a voice, and I can sing at the top of my lungs if I want to and if I am expressing joy or having fun, I don't care what the hell I sound like. In Michaelle's class we're learning Brazilian songs, and though I can't pronounce the words to save my life, I sing! It's fun. And no one cares what I sound like!! Oh, and if you're interested in taking a fabulous voice workshop that will change your life, Yoko is offering one on July 29th. Details here. Really, people, I mean it when I say it can change your life.

So. I'm entering the final week before the show. In the past I would be majorly freaking out. Seriously. I would be in panic mode. As I write this, I realize that a year ago I would actually be at RCW, practicing, not blogging. This is not to say that I haven't freaked out, panicked or practiced, but, if I dare say this out loud, I'm feeling a little confident. Just a little, mind you. I don't know if I even like saying that. Feeling any bit of confidence actually scares me. I fear having any feeling that is even a remote-cousin synonym of the word "cocky." Cocky I am not. Overconfident I am not. I worry that overconfidence or cockiness leads to laziness, which shows on stage. But I feel like I've got a few of these under my belt by now. I've already done freak-outs for a lot of the songs I'm playing. Remember those old Emeryville Taiko days and how I was freaking out over Kai and Kanki? I mean, how many times can you freak out over a song you've performed or rehearsed a million times already? And Mo Ichido--last year I had major freak out time over that one. Can that feeling last forever? Doesn't a song get ingrained in the mind and body at some point? But this is not to say that I haven't worked really hard on other songs. I'm still trying to refine Naori. I've been going over my solo on that hourly. And there are the new songs we are learning. And solos are always cause for anxiety. But maybe since I've been through this before, I've learned HOW to freak out better, or rather, how to keep myself from freaking out. There have been days where I say, Ok, today I'm going to focus on this one song and keep at it and be patient with myself and know, trust and believe that I am going to get it and it will be ok. And you know what? It IS ok! I do get it! And everything will be all right! Well, that's what I tell myself anyway.

And, ok, I lied a little. Tonight I actually was at RCW, practicing. I went in for some bonus time with Janet. We worked on songs and sequence and patterns and soloing. I was telling her that I thought the show was going to be great and that I actually felt good about it and that I was worried that I wasn't as worried as I have been in the past. She said that was good and all, but now I could use this as an opportunity to not be totally overwhelmed by everything and obsess about one thing instead. She had me work on my She Goes solo. Yes, this is one of those things I struggle with. I'm not such a great slant-stand player, and I know and accept that. I actually set aside today to work on that solo, and glad I did. She made me play it over and over until I was panting and dripping with sweat and she gave me some really good pointers, and I am so glad and immensely grateful for the time I spent obsessing about it (not that I'm done obsessing about it).

So, one week before the show. We have our transition sheets, and I have made meticulous notes and even made flashcards to test my knowledge on how each song was spiked (I am especially proud of how nerdy that is). This is going to be an intense weekend of rehearsals. We go from 12:30-8:30pm on both Saturday and Sunday. I think I'm ready. I guess all this confidence stuff gets tested then. Wish me luck.

Oh, and if you're interested in seeing the show, here are the details:

Maze Daiko: Big Drums, Big Fun!

With Special Guest Yoko Fujimoto

Friday, July 23, 8:00pm
Saturday, July 24, 8:00pm
$20 in advance, $25 at the door
** space is limited, so purchase tickets early!

To purchase tickets:
https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/113441

For more info:
http://www.rhythmix.org/content/10events/100723.html

If you can make it, I'd love to see you there!