Back in the Fold

It's been a while, I know. I needed to take a much needed break from blogging, and from being a part of the big wide world for a while. Needed the time to turn inward and let my world take its turn in the spin cycle, let things soak and let them also agitate and twist and turn, but yo, I'm back--a little dizzy, a little bleary-eyed, but back. It's been a long and slow process, but Janet gave me the greatest gift of all--time and space at RCW to noodle and do whatever I want for hours and hours on Tuesdays. This is truly a gift, given that when I first played with Janet we were in a space where we were forced to cover our drums with old pieces of carpet and most of our playing was limited and largely imaginary. But at RCW I can play all the drums and make all the noise I want. Tonight I brought all my favorite drums and percussion and just played my heart out. Didn't know how much my heart needed that till I did it. I've been learning the pandeiro so I got to practice a little of that. Also have been learning a little zabumba, so I improvised that on my new okedo, and drilled on my beautiful shime and practiced chekere and even noodled a bit on the big drums. It was all good. There is a show on the horizon, a new series of classes to teach, a gig in Monterey in April, lots to learn from Michaelle's class, things I want to work on with new people, new songs, races to run, new space in my life to work on new stuff and also to work on myself.

Life is such a funny journey, with new lessons to learn every day, new things to discover, new challenges and new ch-ch-ch-changes to greet us when least expected. And while my public life is loud, joyful, and, uh, did I say loud (?), there is a part of me that is still and inward and needing of quiet. I feel like I've been there for a while. Not too long, not too short, but maybe it's time to start working again.

Remember when I was in that phase where I just wanted to learn everything? Well, I don't think I'll ever get past that, but I think I'm moving towards a new phase where I want to try to integrate those lessons, and start to take ownership over what I do know, and start applying those things to what I want to be (whatever that is--still gotta figure that out). But there is a feeling of confidence, shaky though it may be. A little bird, jumped, pushed out of the nest a few times already, ready to start learning flight. That leap into the unknown, knowing the wings work, knowing there's a great void down below, a clamoring out, the fear of falling gone, but not knowing where I'll be off to. Hoping there's a branch on some great tree out there, reaching out to me, an act of faith, that leap.