Process vs. Goal

I think I used to be a very goal-oriented person. There's nothing bad about that. Delivering what you set out to do is a good thing. It's productive. It makes you feel good that you've accomplished your goals. But now that I've been in the position to have delivered many things, I think that the process of what you do to deliver whatever it is--a speech, a solo, a lesson--I think now that the most important thing is the process. Often times the process is a struggle. Goals are destinations that don't come easy. That's why they're goals, and not a to-do list. You have to sit down with yourself and write the speech, or the solo or the syllabus. It's in those moments when you fight with yourself that you gain the most. It's when your doro tsu ku's are sloppy and off-beat with the metronome that you learn your greatest lessons. That's when you learn the most about yourself. For this past weekend's shows for instance, I had to work on drum rolls. I'm not the most accomplished musician in the world, and I got really frustrated with myself when my rolls went from nice and even and slow, to faster, to a soggy mash of spaghetti. But then that's when I realized, hey, I've got limitations. In order for me to deliver really great drum rolls, I have to learn to not try to play beyond my limitations and instead work with what I've got. So I stood up there in front of an auditorium full of people and played my rolls to the upper limits of the speed I could play a drum roll before it turned to spaghetti. And they sounded great. They weren't Kodo great, but I worked what I had to the utmost. I learned: a) that I needed to work on my drum rolls a lot more, and b) that what I already had in my set of tools would work if I would give it the chance. I didn't need to be Kodo; I needed to be myself. That's quite a lesson, don't you think? That's a giant leap and bound--to accept who you are, to embrace yourself, and to be willing to improve it, while at the same time, not crucify yourself because you're not something else--something unattainable.

I'm sure a couple of years ago I never thought I'd be here, be where and who I am. But there are a million small steps. Each step is not toward a goal, but each step is part of what makes the goal a journey. I cherish each challenge put before me. I never thought I'd have my own taiko class, but look at me now. Two or three years ago I was in the audience of one of Brenda's shows just admiring everything and now look what I've got under my belt! I never thought life had such lessons to teach me. Or that it could be quite as exciting as it is. I look forward to each day.