I Take it Back! I Take it ALL back!

Remember that time we debuted a new song at the Marin Arts festival and Janet said all I needed was another year on stage, and then I was all like (insert slightly defensive tone here) "What is she talking about? I'm not nervous! I love to perform! Blah blah blah." OMG. I totally take that all back. Janet is totally right. She may even be wrong about that one year part. Maybe I need two.

Tonight we did a run-through of all the songs with transitions, and although the sequence of songs went ok, it was my solo sections that needed work. Ok (to go off on a tangent here), so I really like deer, because I think they're cool and they're messengers to the gods (in Japanese folklore) and I like the idea that drums are also a way to speak to the gods or the heavens or whatever. Deers are kind of like my theme-animal. Like if you had to choose an animal to represent yourself, then for me, it would be a deer. But you all know that when deers are suddenly faced with the blinding headlights of a Ford F150 on a dark country road, it's not uncommon for the deer to suddenly freeze in its tracks and either react and jump the @$*# out of the way, or get run over. Tonight I got run over. Or maybe partially run over. It was like I knew what my solos were supposed to be, but my hands were not clued in on it. It was the pressure. All the other E'ville members were there, so it was like we had a mini-audience, but I cracked. I'm so frustrated and actually, I'm frightened. If I can't perform in front of our own members, how am I going to perform in front of a whole crowd of strangers?

I think my plan of action is to just go through my set solos and just drill and drill and drill until my hands get the clue on what the @$*# I'm supposed to be playing. So it becomes automatic and actually, part of the song--for me anyway.

Oh, and another song we've been working hard and long on, Kaito Ryu, is in peril. I can play it 90% of the time, meaning I can play the song with 90% accuracy. Like maybe I'll forget to play 8 beats instead of 6, but if everyone else is ok, then overall we do ok. But there are other people who are like maybe 75%, or who get thrown off when someone else messes up, and then it just goes into train-wreck mode and we stop. I keep begging them not to stop when they mess up, but it just becomes apparent that it's time to stop. I stand behind Janet who I know has her spots of mistakes, and she knows when I have my mess-up points, and she plays next to Susan who has her moments of mistakes, and it's like we all feed off each other--making mistakes until we get derailed. But we've fought so hard to get that song to sound right and to sound good, and we just keep getting butts kicked. It may get cut.

Sigh. OMG. Sigh. Ok, I thought I wasn't going to do this, but let's check the calendar.

9 days.

That's do-able, right? If all I need to do is polish my solos for say, (realistically) 5 hours a day (in between working on applications for you know, my real job), times 9 days, is 45 hours, 45 hours of solo honing. I have 3 solos I am realistically going to work on, so that comes out to 15 hours a solo, so that's a long time, and I can do that. Right? 15 hours? I'm not going to ask who am I kidding, because that would be a waste of time, so hey--I'm going to give it my best.

And just to reiterate. Janet was right. I was wrong. So I'm going to work on my solos.

For a year.

Top Secret

I'm probably not supposed to be posting this for all the world to see, but since you are my devoted, caring, loyal fan(s), I'm giving you the sneak preview of what the new Aiko shirts look like. Isn't it pretty? We've all got different styles of shirts, but they've all got the basic concept of the katabami mon on the side there. My shirt is manufactured by American Apparel which I am very happy to say is sweat shop free and made in my great hometown of El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora la Reina de los Ángeles de la Porciúncula, or L.A. as I like to call it.

Concert is in 12 days. OMG. I shouldn't have just counted the days. But 12 days it is.

I've been working frantically on solos. I've been playing solos on my desk a lot lately, and I've decided that desk solos sound fantastically, wonderfully groovy. Oh and thank goodness I have the best office-mate in the world. She has never once yelled or even looked over at me annoyingly as I'm composing these fantastically, wonderfully groovy solos. She must be immune to my constant tapping, or just really forgiving. But anyway. I've discovered that desk solos sound great, but they don't always translate to fantastically, wonderfully groovy solos on taiko. I'd say maybe 50% of the time they sound good. I've been composing a solo on my desk and I really liked it, but when I finally got to play it on taiko, it just kind of sounded blah. Now I have to figure out how to unblah the solo--oh, and I have to do it in 12 freakin' days.

But didn't I say I wasn't going to stress so much? Here's a secret to living stress free: don't count the days until the big ol thing that's causing you stress in the first place. One day at a time.

No Puppets Here

What IS IT with all these hits on my site counter from Europe???? Not that there's anything wrong with Europe, or hits on my site meter, but you guys are getting me all excited like maybe you think I'm interesting, but really you folks are just interested in that pic of that drumming puppet I put up a long time ago. I'm sorry, but that puppet must go. I gotta remove him from my blog. You'll all know who I'm talking about anyway without a pic of that bad boy.

Better

Last night I went in to practice early and Carolyn and Janet came early too and we worked on stuff and now I feel SOOO MUCH BETTER. It's not like we had any big breakthroughs or anything, but we just got through a bunch of songs and dusted off some cobwebs and I feel better about things. I know that one of my solos is polished and I don't need to worry about it. Another solo is progressing. A third solo is in the crock pot right now and you can smell it, but no tasting yet--still needs to cook. I'm still debating on what the heck I'm going to do about that 4th solo in six time. I'm either going to not work on it till the very end, or just fake my way through it. I don't like the second option very well, but we'll see what I can do. I just know that I don't have that feeling of despair and feeling overwhelmed.

Did I mention we were there for 4 hours last night? Put in a full day of work and run to the dojo without dinner and play drums for 4 hours till your arms fall out. I had to send J and C an email with extra thanks because I realized what a long day it must have been for them. I hope they get double reward points for their karma.

So until the concert, I'm just going to try to relax and work extra hard. Is that a contradiction? Maybe. But how else am I going to do it?

Things you can't get on ebay

I need a couple of solos and some sleep.

Concert is 3 weeks away and I 've been having to spend some time away from taiko and I feel so overwhelmed I just want to cry. If there is one thing I need to work on in the future it's how to not be so hard and self-critical on myself. That's holding me back.

Carolyn and Janet volunteered to come early to practice tonight just to help me out. Can you believe that? That's one of the nicest things to happen to me all year. I so appreciate it.

Oh, but those solos. Stress. Ack. Help . . .